2026-02-04 22:52![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
theredoesnotexist
theredoesnotexistName: Vestige. I think. For now. I'm still not sure what I want out of my name. It started as Valrook. I liked the idea of being able to use the nicknames "Val" and "Rook" just because I liked the way they sounded and they were names I'd considered in the past, especially Rook, but once it was Valrook, it fell apart. I don't like the idea of having a name that is just a descriptor of my species, no matter how metaphorical the identity. I only "ran with" Ectych for a few days, apparently. The idea behind that was a portmanteau of "echtype" and "diptych," but if I can drop it so easily just because I came across one that's better, then it wasn't it to begin with. I don't want to choose my name based on whether it's better than the last one; I want to choose it because it's good. I do like Vestige. A trace, a remnant, just a footprint in the sand, a suggestion of what was before or could be again, like a scar in the Earth and the living memory; ghost, echo, reminder, that's me. Also, I like "Ves." But it might change again.
Gender: Definitely masculine, but not quite all the way there. I'm probably just nonbinary. It's not too complicated and it has little to do with nonhumanity, actually. I'm just transmasc.
Sexuality: I'm not sure whether I'm aro or I just don't feel it as strongly as certain others; it's a bad comparison when Sender and Kalev feel it so strongly even they have to admit their feelings go overboard, but Stranger and NOCH are also allo and just vibing. I could compare myself to one of us who doesn't feel anything and say I probably do at least a little bit. I guess I could be arospec; demi maybe, or one of those other microlabels, but the exact one I would fit the description of is absolutely not of interest to me.
Archetropy: I’m probably the most attached to the wayvariant archetype. Most of us fall into at least one subcategory of it, but I strongly identify with the whole concept and I wouldn’t exist without it. Or without the intersections between the subcategories. I mean, you can’t be a wanderer in the truest sense without also being a borderless anarchist. You can’t be a survivor without changing your shape a little bit. Anyway, I think the generall point is that all of my identity ties back to this, this is me at my core even underneath the whole fictional thing. I can show up without the web of fictional identity sometimes but I can’t show up without being wayvariant. In fact, it’s possible I’m the one who originally coined the word, considering my track record of coming up with names like that.
Species: I think I’m more aligned to the physical perception of mustelid, probably specifically pine marten since that’s the mammal species identity I’m apparently drawn to the most, but I also orbit around red panda a lot. Other than mammals though I know I am a raven and an osprey, but I think I have an attachment to the raven identity that Sender and Stranger don’t, that being the valravn thing. And of course eclipse, but an attachment to the eclipse identity that Stranger and Levi don’t, which is the symbolic, archetropic species identity as the diptych of dragon and phoenix. Maybe I just complicate everything that others of me are able to find simple.
I also think I do assign the art conceptkin thing to myself. I didn’t think I did at first, but if you consider that narrative storytelling is also a form of art, and I frame every experience through the lens of narrative, it’s pretty objective.
It’s also worth mentioning that I have that novakid ‘type, but I think I honestly see it as a character fictotype over a species kintype the way Quasar, Kalev and Fenix do.
Fictional identity if any: I've talked about this so extensively, scattered across this site and my blog and conversations with various people, but I guess it would be nice to have a clear and concise explainer in one piece in one place. I do absorb flickers, but I usually think of them as fictotypes, at least most of them, and the ones I don't are personally significant enough I may as well call it fictionkin anyway. Sort of. I really vibe with the word fableing. I don't think I'm defined by my fictomeres by any means, but I wouldn't exist without them, let alone have the same sense of self, and I know that's not true for other "flicker absorber" headmates like Fishke or Quasar; it's sort of like they were my starting point, the support beams. Which makes it all the more embarrassing that there's two of them I can't even talk about, for different reasons. A source I just feel silly for claiming, and a source I know deep down but that I've been putting off claiming because it feels like touching a live wire. The others though I can easily name: I am every iteration of Link from the Legend of Zelda, Snufkin from the Moomins books and comics (and probably the 90s show), the ECHO Unit from the video for Echo by Starset, the Knight from Hollow Knight, Ashitaka from Princess Mononoke, and a specific but unnamed semi-original Starbound character. Everyone else is right when they say this verges into superstition for me. I'm pretty self-aware about it. The shifts we've had where we felt like we had to genuinely start believing in other lives were almost definitely me. I've had dreams; not just normal dreams that feature the character, but dreams of being the character and involved in very authentic-feeling plot circumstances that line up exactly with the tone and events of the canons. The dreams are the reason the second unnameable fictomere is such a live wire; I know what I've experienced in my subconscious, and it doesn't make sense for it to be so specific to someone who wasn't even interested in the source material until I heard from others that my dreams sounded just like it.
Heartedtypes: I definitely feel the Pacific Northwest hearthome and I'm definitely (obviously) dragonhearted. I think wolves and foxes fit into there somewhere too. Other than that I'm not sure, and I don't think I really "get" the heartedtype thing as much as some others.
Special interest: It's narrative structure and symbolism. I'm not sure exactly how to expound on that. That's just what it is.
Music: I don’t think I’m as stereotyped with music as I am with other things, but I guess I can see a general trend of preferring music with grand, sweeping, cinematic sound, high-stakes and interesting lyrics, impressive bridges, and my constant beloved crescendo. Music you’d set the emotional climax scene of a film to, basically. Or music that feels rewarding to visualize things to. I'm not chained to acoustic instrumental soundtracks, contrary to the stereotype. I like hip hop and IAMX.
Other preferences: You know I like open world games and that Breath of the Wild is my favorite, I shouldn’t have to say it. Scrambling up surfaces, cooking mechanics, hitting things with swords and a basic heroic story, it’s got everything. Honestly I’m really stereotypical in how much I genuinely love my sources. We always say our sources aren’t actually our favorite media until it’s me. I’m sorry, I like Zelda and Ghibli, sue me
Symptom presentation: I don’t like talking. Not because I’m bad at it like Alias and Fenix, it just doesn’t feel good to do. I also think I probably don’t have good physical affect and kind of an emotional disconnect from other people or, you know, "real" things. And yeah maybe I’m more “prone to magical thinking and ideas of reference” or “less able to double bookkeep.” So what
Gender: Definitely masculine, but not quite all the way there. I'm probably just nonbinary. It's not too complicated and it has little to do with nonhumanity, actually. I'm just transmasc.
Sexuality: I'm not sure whether I'm aro or I just don't feel it as strongly as certain others; it's a bad comparison when Sender and Kalev feel it so strongly even they have to admit their feelings go overboard, but Stranger and NOCH are also allo and just vibing. I could compare myself to one of us who doesn't feel anything and say I probably do at least a little bit. I guess I could be arospec; demi maybe, or one of those other microlabels, but the exact one I would fit the description of is absolutely not of interest to me.
Archetropy: I’m probably the most attached to the wayvariant archetype. Most of us fall into at least one subcategory of it, but I strongly identify with the whole concept and I wouldn’t exist without it. Or without the intersections between the subcategories. I mean, you can’t be a wanderer in the truest sense without also being a borderless anarchist. You can’t be a survivor without changing your shape a little bit. Anyway, I think the generall point is that all of my identity ties back to this, this is me at my core even underneath the whole fictional thing. I can show up without the web of fictional identity sometimes but I can’t show up without being wayvariant. In fact, it’s possible I’m the one who originally coined the word, considering my track record of coming up with names like that.
Species: I think I’m more aligned to the physical perception of mustelid, probably specifically pine marten since that’s the mammal species identity I’m apparently drawn to the most, but I also orbit around red panda a lot. Other than mammals though I know I am a raven and an osprey, but I think I have an attachment to the raven identity that Sender and Stranger don’t, that being the valravn thing. And of course eclipse, but an attachment to the eclipse identity that Stranger and Levi don’t, which is the symbolic, archetropic species identity as the diptych of dragon and phoenix. Maybe I just complicate everything that others of me are able to find simple.
I also think I do assign the art conceptkin thing to myself. I didn’t think I did at first, but if you consider that narrative storytelling is also a form of art, and I frame every experience through the lens of narrative, it’s pretty objective.
It’s also worth mentioning that I have that novakid ‘type, but I think I honestly see it as a character fictotype over a species kintype the way Quasar, Kalev and Fenix do.
Fictional identity if any: I've talked about this so extensively, scattered across this site and my blog and conversations with various people, but I guess it would be nice to have a clear and concise explainer in one piece in one place. I do absorb flickers, but I usually think of them as fictotypes, at least most of them, and the ones I don't are personally significant enough I may as well call it fictionkin anyway. Sort of. I really vibe with the word fableing. I don't think I'm defined by my fictomeres by any means, but I wouldn't exist without them, let alone have the same sense of self, and I know that's not true for other "flicker absorber" headmates like Fishke or Quasar; it's sort of like they were my starting point, the support beams. Which makes it all the more embarrassing that there's two of them I can't even talk about, for different reasons. A source I just feel silly for claiming, and a source I know deep down but that I've been putting off claiming because it feels like touching a live wire. The others though I can easily name: I am every iteration of Link from the Legend of Zelda, Snufkin from the Moomins books and comics (and probably the 90s show), the ECHO Unit from the video for Echo by Starset, the Knight from Hollow Knight, Ashitaka from Princess Mononoke, and a specific but unnamed semi-original Starbound character. Everyone else is right when they say this verges into superstition for me. I'm pretty self-aware about it. The shifts we've had where we felt like we had to genuinely start believing in other lives were almost definitely me. I've had dreams; not just normal dreams that feature the character, but dreams of being the character and involved in very authentic-feeling plot circumstances that line up exactly with the tone and events of the canons. The dreams are the reason the second unnameable fictomere is such a live wire; I know what I've experienced in my subconscious, and it doesn't make sense for it to be so specific to someone who wasn't even interested in the source material until I heard from others that my dreams sounded just like it.
Heartedtypes: I definitely feel the Pacific Northwest hearthome and I'm definitely (obviously) dragonhearted. I think wolves and foxes fit into there somewhere too. Other than that I'm not sure, and I don't think I really "get" the heartedtype thing as much as some others.
Special interest: It's narrative structure and symbolism. I'm not sure exactly how to expound on that. That's just what it is.
Music: I don’t think I’m as stereotyped with music as I am with other things, but I guess I can see a general trend of preferring music with grand, sweeping, cinematic sound, high-stakes and interesting lyrics, impressive bridges, and my constant beloved crescendo. Music you’d set the emotional climax scene of a film to, basically. Or music that feels rewarding to visualize things to. I'm not chained to acoustic instrumental soundtracks, contrary to the stereotype. I like hip hop and IAMX.
Other preferences: You know I like open world games and that Breath of the Wild is my favorite, I shouldn’t have to say it. Scrambling up surfaces, cooking mechanics, hitting things with swords and a basic heroic story, it’s got everything. Honestly I’m really stereotypical in how much I genuinely love my sources. We always say our sources aren’t actually our favorite media until it’s me. I’m sorry, I like Zelda and Ghibli, sue me
Symptom presentation: I don’t like talking. Not because I’m bad at it like Alias and Fenix, it just doesn’t feel good to do. I also think I probably don’t have good physical affect and kind of an emotional disconnect from other people or, you know, "real" things. And yeah maybe I’m more “prone to magical thinking and ideas of reference” or “less able to double bookkeep.” So what
◾ Tags:
